I Wrote a Kid’s Book!
If you traced the arc of my life, from dominating local math competitions in New Hampshire, to nearly getting kicked out of college, and through my career in finance, writing a kid’s book would not be high on the list of predictions.
Yet here we are... Life can take unexpected turns. And if we’re being honest, I’ve been going a little off script for a while now. From starting this newsletter, becoming a runner (maybe / sort of?), to now self-publishing this kid’s book.
Having kids forced me to start asking questions that I had avoided for the first 30+ years of my life. By all measure, life was great. I had everything that you could ask for – roof over my head, healthy family, close friendships, and a stable career. But there was a nagging feeling that there was something missing. As I peeled back that multi-layered onion (and man are there so many layers…), there was one question that I kept wresting with – was the life I was living what I wanted or what I thought I was supposed to want?
The simplest, most fundamental example of this dynamic can be viewed through the relationship with your parents. Since having kids, I’ve had a front row seat to my parents’ method of child-rearing which has shed new light on why I am the way I am. More than once, I’ve said to myself “Yup, that tracks. Makes total sense why I am [insert random personality trait / flaw].” To be fair to my parents, I should also credit them for all my strengths. But I tend to be overly self-critical and only focus on what’s wrong (I wonder where I got that from...?) I know they did their best and their best got me pretty far. I’ll always be grateful for that.
Neither of my parents pushed me into finance but they did instill a belief that success meant a stable, prestigious, well-paying job. When I demonstrated aptitude for math early on, I was “encouraged” down that path to optimize for that “successful” outcome. Even if pursuing finance was entirely my decision, it was one that was rooted in the values passed onto me and the path set on by them. So much of who I am was wired in during those early years. When you finally see things from this perspective, you can start to figure out which one of those values are truly yours or just became yours by default.
This idea extends far beyond your parents. It also includes your friends, your teachers, your coworkers, whatever media you consume, etc. Unless you have a strong sense of self, it’s easy to drift through life collecting all these expectations and mistaking them for your own. You end up living a life you think you should, instead of the life you want.
That’s really been the core of my seemingly random excursions in my life over the past few years. They are explorations into previously uncharted territories to learn a bit more about myself, what I want, and what I’m capable of. They are about spending time doing things solely for the joy that they bring, not because they are practical or rational.
Training for a marathon with two toddlers is not practical (yet I’m about to do it again). Writing this kid’s book is completely financially irrational. And yet... it brought me joy, and it’s brought my family joy. And that’s reason enough. There’s something special about having a vision, going for it, and making it real. That’s the feeling I’ve been chasing.
Like Michelangelo said about carving the statue of David “It’s simple, I just removed everything that isn’t David.” I think that's what we should all be trying to do at the end of the day. Chip away everything that isn’t us.