Hopes and Dreams

Julian started pre-K and Serena started in the twos program, her first time in school, earlier this month.

The start of school also means parent-teacher orientation. For me, the dad, that comes down to three things: (i) show up in person, (ii) remember the teachers' names, and (iii) make clear I should be last on the emergency call list, behind Tiffany, the nanny, and Tiffany one more time.

I'm happy to report I went 3 for 3 this year.

At the end of Julian's orientation, his teachers (Amelia and Arielle!) asked us to write down our "hopes and dreams for Julian." The class would read them together near the end of the year.

Not ready to commit to anything on the spot, Tiffany and I agreed to take it home and noodle on it.

Two weeks later, we were still staring at a blank page.

Hopes and dreams for your child!? That's a loaded question!

Deep in the trenches of raising two toddlers, I'm focused on getting through the next day, maybe the next week. That's about all my hamster brain can handle.

I hope to get a few good nights of sleep. I dream of a day without another diaper. Hopes and dreams for when they grow up? Shit, I'm just hoping we can keep this ship afloat long enough to get them there.

When I finally sat with the question, I realized that how you answer it is largely a function of what feels missing in your own life.

My parents immigrated from Communist China with very little money or stability. They wanted me to have a well-paying, stable corporate career, and they did their best to raise me toward that goal.

Well, here I am with, by most measures, a well-paying, stable corporate career. But of course, something's still missing.

For me, it's been a sense of freedom to choose my own path. For most of my life, I've felt like a passenger. My side quests of the past few years are attempts to take over the steering wheel: running marathons, starting a kids' gym, and… blogging?

When I think about what I want for Julian and Serena, it's room to find their own path. My job as a parent isn't to pick a dream for them. It's to back them up on whichever one they choose.

Alas, as I tried to boil all that down to a few sentences a room of four-year-olds would understand, Tiffany simply asked Julian what his hopes and dreams were.

Without missing a beat, he answered: "Lightning McQueen.”

…

Welp. That was way better than anything we would've come up with, so we went with it. We'll see what Serena comes up with when it's her turn.

Be Lightning McQueen, or whatever you want to be, Julian. We'll be your pit crew either way.